The body is an amazing machine of self diagnosis. We turn red when we are embarrassed, brown when we’ve been in the sun too long, pale when we are ill, and chartreuse when we are about to be sick. OK, I made that last one up, but that would be pretty cool huh? Anyway, this brings me to the most important indicator of all, we turn blue when we can’t breathe. But why blue? Why not like, mauve or paisley? That would be great, If we turned different patterns when we can’t breathe, wouldn’t it? I mean that would leave no question as to our condition. Picture it; you’re in a restaurant and suddenly you see someone choking. “Stand back!” you say “This man is choking! Give me some room to perform my heroic duty!” (or something to that effect). “But how do you know he’s choking?” comes the question from the lady in the back. “Confound it woman! He’s turning plaid, can’t you see that?!” you answer. See how easy that was, anyone could have diagnosed the situation with time to spare (except maybe the lady in the back).

Besides, think of the life saving implications this could have for Smurfs. I mean, they’re already blue. What good is turning blue going to do them when choking? None, that’s what. But, think of the drop in choking deaths among Smurfs if they turned a nice, bright, contrasting paisley.

Just food for thought. Chew it well, we don’t need you choking too.